This Crazy Weekend

The wedding:
Even better than I hoped. It was wonderful, and I came away with that amazing, "I love my job" feeling.

By "came away," I really mean "drove an hour like a bat out of hell to get to an Irish Festival at which Enter the Haggis was playing." Yes, festival season has begun, which means a series of jaunts around the northeast is in my future. Oddly, a year ago I was pretty much unaware of the existence of Celtic festivals, being not Celtic in my own heritage. Then I stumbled upon this particular band, and their particular (and peculiar!) group of fans, and suddenly I was in Ireland with them. Now, the band really is great, don't get me wrong. I've now seen them umpteen times in the ten or so months I've known they existed, and I'm not bored of them yet. They're still some of the best musicians I've ever heard, putting on one of the best shows I've ever seen. But at this point, mostly they are a really terrific soundtrack to our roadtrips and social gatherings. As I said to one of the band members yesterday, "Every time I leave town to visit friends, this group of guys shows up and starts playing music."

You might have noticed that I said "yesterday" there, when the Irish festival was Saturday. Yes, I also went to Saranac Lake yesterday for performance #2. It was such a beautiful day, and an incredible drive through the Adirondacks. Good friends, good show, good times, noodle salad. On the down side, it was also full of absolutely idiotic drivers. On the way there, I had to veer onto the non-existent shoulder to avoid a head-on collision with an SUV that apparently decided that lane markings didn't apply. On the way back, people seemed to think it was fun to follow me with their brights on. Despite being exhausted and half-blind, I did eventually make it home.

And now, it is Memorial Day, and I have been lazy all morning. I am supposed to be at a picnic in a very short amount of time, and I am not even showered...so, I'm going to go remedy that now.

Wedding

I am terribly cynical about love, and thus far completely unable to sustain a relationship, so this may be a strange thing to say, but...

I love weddings.

Despite my mixed feelings about the whole institution of marriage, and all my personal issues with commitment, I love weddings. There is something so daring and beautiful about two people taking those vows, looking at the future and knowing that the odds may well be against them, but standing together and promising to try to make it work anyway. Relationally speaking, I'm not in a good place right now. But I'm performing a wedding in two hours, and I'm just really delighted to get to participate in this moment in this couple's life.

Also, I'm just really cranky and set in my ways, and being tired, cold, and sore can apparently instantly set me into selfish mode. Good to know.

Being Away, Being Back

I spent the last few days at a retreat for young adults up in the Adirondacks. It was fun, and I was partially sad to have to leave early, but then again...not all that sad. Here's why:

1. I don't have a monastic bone in my body. Okay, maybe one. A very small one, like one of those tiny inner ear bones. I like some of the chanting, I like the general principle of living in community, and I recently had a phase of being inordinately fascinated with Carthusian monks - but I'm pretty sure that was about the sheer foreignness of such a life rather than any desire to live it.

Anyway, this retreat is designed on a semi-monastic model, with specific rhythms of worship, work, eating, and rest. I used to think that maybe I was into the contemplative spirituality thing. Now I realize that, as far as rhythms go, I prefer a bit more syncopation in my life. And then there's this whole imposed silence thing. I actually have no problem with going for a long time without speaking, which surprises many people. I just do better with that when I have a background of other people around. I can be terribly distracting when I'm in a group of people trying to be silent, so I spent my solo time on the deck of the inn down the street, looking out over a different lake and doing my contemplating over a glass of wine.

2. I do best when I have variety in my interactions. When I've seen the same group of people for more than a couple of days, I just want to see someone else. This is probably indicative of some psychological wackiness on my part or something, but it is what it is.

3. I was not in a good mental state when I arrived for this retreat. I was exhausted, my back was all out of whack, and I was emotionally strung out. I can't think of a worse place for me to get a grip on that than a place where adequate sleep is impossible, and where I have none of my normal outlets for venting my emotional weirdness. (PS - sorry, Kilter and anyone else who thinks I'm being cruel by hanging that one out there and not clarifying the source of my unhingedness. It's just not one of those things that should be shared in a blog.)

4. When you really like your home, your job, and your life, leaving just becomes less appealing. I thought about heading back up to camp tonight when some of the plans I came back for were canceled, but the fact is, I'm just really happy that I get to hang out with my dog and spend a relatively normal evening around here and then sleep in my own bed.

Unhinged

At some point this week, I was having a discussion in which someone asked me if I was impervious to being swept up in emotions. I considered this, and replied that, no, I'm not completely emotionally cold, but I tend not to be overwhelmed by emotions or to make decisions based on a strong emotional pull. Last night I was smacked in the face by the reality that this is not true, and reminded that from time to time, I can indeed become utterly unhinged. I still have remnants of unhingedness going on, and it's making it extremely difficult to focus on the children's sermon and portion of the Trinity sermon that I have to prepare for tomorrow. In a reflection of being unhinged emotionally, I have thrown out my lower back.

Also, the Redwings have now lost two games in a row. I wouldn't say I'm unhinged by this, but it does not please me.

My Life in Pictures

I've been going through old photos for a display case they're putting together about me at church. Of course, nothing is organized, so this means I have to go through EVERYTHING to find what I want. A brief scan of my life as reflected by pictures reveals:

1. I really am not a particularly photogenic person.

2. I went through an even less photogenic period in college. A little makeup, a hairstyle, and some clothes that weren't tapered-leg jeans and baggy sweatshirts would have gone a long way in helping that problem...but I didn't really start figuring out how to dress like a girl until halfway through my senior year.

3. As noted above, I have had some really, really bad taste in clothing at various points in my life. So bad at times that it makes me wonder if I might even now have really bad taste and just not realize it. I mean, come on, overall shorts? Something was clearly awry in my brain to make me think that was anywhere approaching flattering.

4. The number of musicians I know is almost astonishing, and I seem to photograph them often. If I had a file marked "Boys With Guitars," I suspect it would overwhelm all other categories of pictures, except perhaps...

5. Weddings. I have participated in a LOT of weddings. And for once, my bad taste cannot be blamed for the ridiculous dresses I'm wearing in those pictures.

6. I had forgotten how adorable my dog and oldest niece were when they were smaller. They're both still adorable, but when they were little, wow.

7. It's a very good thing digital photography has come along, because many of my prints have begun to stick together in their neglected state. I really need to scan some of the better ones into the computer so they don't get destroyed forever.

I have new hair. Or rather, a new hairstyle. If I could figure out how to take pictures of myself, I'd show you. It is shorter than my hair has ever been. It is a very fun style, which with the help of product will do cool things fitting to my occasional rockstar image. On the other hand, in typical Stacey Hair fashion, two hours out of the salon it has collapsed into near-boringness, and is reminding me of a time when someone commented that short hair is "mom hair." I do not wish to have mom hair...even if by some radical shift in the universe I should someday end up being a mom.

I'm boring, because it's the playoffs

My brain is currently absorbed by some combination of work and the the NHL conference finals. Detroit is up 3 games to 0, so I'm not really worried about this series, but Pittsburgh is something else this year. Just a note for those who have the misfortune to encounter me during the finals: it may be a tense time. I tend to get a little overwrought over the Redwings during the playoffs. As I noted today in my clergy group, I'm a pacifist...right up to the point when I find myself screaming, "Kill him!!!!" at the top of my lungs at a hockey game. (Shut up, Julio.) We're all dichotomous people in some area or another, and this is one of mine.

On another topic entirely, I wish for people to answer my emails in a more timely manner. And I say this as a person who is TERRIBLE at returning personal emails. I do pretty well with business-related things, but I have an awful habit of leaving the personal messages sit forever, until they've slid so far down my inbox list that I no longer remember they're there. Perhaps the problem is that said unreturned emails are business for me, but personal for those receiving them. Anyway, it would be handy if I heard back before it was too late for me to do anything about things.

Also...

What in the world is up with McDonalds advertising itself as non-conformist (because it dares to serve chicken for breakfast, of all things!), and Walmart's environmentalist commercials? If southern fried chicken and cheap cleaning products can improve the world, sign me up, but I have my doubts. It's smart advertising; I just find myself hoping people don't buy it.

Random Blogging

After she cleaned my teeth this morning, the dental hygienist asked if my mouth felt better now. She always asks this, and I always wonder why. She's not particularly gentle, so sure, my teeth are clean, but she's been jabbing at my gums with that sharp little hook thingy for a half hour. The pain sort of balances out the lovely clean feeling.

The Redwings won last night. Have I ever mentioned here that I'm a hockey fan? I am. Detroit all the way, baby. 1 game down, 3 to go before we're in the Stanley Cup finals! Makes me want to go buy an octopus and head for the Joe.

I have a gig tonight. Yay! I'd be more excited about this if I weren't currently a stressball about some things I need to get done for church.

Pudge

It is spring. I wish to wear cute, springy clothes. I even own some such clothes. And yet, I have morphed into Fatty Von Fattykins since the last time I wore said clothing, and am now looking a bit like a pastel sausage when stuffed into them.

Okay, that's not precisely true, as I do not wear pastels. But you get the point.

I refuse to buy larger clothes, and instead will be walking my slug butt to work and pretty much anywhere else that isn't an obscene distance. This has the added benefits of reducing the proportion of my paycheck that gets poured directly into my gas tank, and doing good things for the environment like not spewing out more emissions into it.

You see, in addition to feeling a little gross physically, I'm also reading Jesus for President, and Shane Claiborne has a way of making me feel rather like the imitation vanilla equivalent of a Christian. It's a good read, funny and poignant and direct, and it's one of the most interesting books I've ever seen visually. I kind of want to rip all the quotes from other people out of it and hang them on my office walls. That said, reading this book is also a little like being repeatedly kicked in the tail by a six-ton boot. In other words, we're on the same page about what the gospel means...some people are just WAY ahead of me when it comes to living it out. Which is a good thing for me to realize, since I tend to have a teensy little huge pride issue that leads me to be frustrated with other Christians and their inability to "get it."

There is some pudge that needs to go, and not just physically.