Friday, July 17, 2009
Cyclical
It is really hard to be a kind, loving person when you feel unloved. This is my learning for the week, as I struggle against my inclination to draw inward and pull a tortoise maneuver against a general sense of being the opposite of loved, cared for, valued, etc. - all those words that describe how most of us would like to feel. I am in this place that I love and where I have always felt loved, but I'm not feeling it this year. Whatever. This too shall pass and all that. In the meantime, I'm realizing that this is true for other people, too: it's just hard to be nice when you feel wretched. So maybe the fact that they're not treating me as I'd like to be treated does not actually reflect any particular feeling toward me, but rather their own feelings of unlovedness (or whatever). Which doesn't make me feel any better about my own stuff, but does keep me aware that being equally mean or negligent isn't going to help them, or me either.
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2 comments:
It goes back to what you were saying recently about how to heal the healer. I had a very dark, low, five-year period when I was in my late 20's, but pulled out of it. Who is your minister? If you have one, let him or her be your soundingboard. If not . . . gotta keep writing and playing music!
I think your understanding that this is a temporary thing is a healthy first step, and you're choosing to experience this season instead of withdrawing from it.
That's easy for me to say! lol.
This too shall pass.
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